We are in this together
by ninnitoivonen92
Summary: Callie is a 16 years old girl, having lived a hell til she found the Fosters with her brother Jude. She hasn't talked to anyone about the horrors she has been through. How will she deal with everything and will she learn to trust? Mostly CalliexStef, no Brallie. WARNING: Rated M for self-harm. My first fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

"Come here, you little bitch!" I heard Jim calling my name. I cringed, I did not want to go in the living room and see what he wanted. But I also knew if I didn't obey he would hurt Jude.  
"Callie, come here right now or I'm going to ask Jude". At this I almost ran, I wouldn't let him ever touch him. So far I had been able to be there for Jim whenever he needed me in whatever job he had.  
I entered the living room and watched him sternly. He was drunk, again, and I could see some pills on the table. Unfortunately I glanced at the TV and saw porn on. I was certain now what he wanted. "See, Callie, I have this "little" problem that I need help with. I could do it myself but what's the fun in that? You gotta learn how to please a man. Kneel down and get to it!" I didn't move, I just stared at him. But I knew I didn't have a chance. He would next make Jude do it, I was sure of it. I sighed, cursed him to hell and knelt down. I could see the bulge through his pants. Reluctantly I pushed his pants down and started to touch him. I had done this many times before, I knew what the liked. "Oh yes, that's my girl. A little harder. My bitch mmmm..." he was panting already. I took his boxers off and his hard cock shot up. Jim pushed my face downwards and I took him in my mouth. It was disgusting and I hated every inch of him. He was pushing back from my head and trying to make me do it faster. But I couldn't. I was tired of always pleasing him. I was tired of being his slave. I was tired of him being violent of Jude. I was tired of life. I could sense him being close to climax so I did the only thing that came to my mind. I bit him. Hard, I could taste the blood in my mouth. I got up as fast as I could and started to run out of the living room, yelling at Jude. Jim was screaming but I guess the state of his drunkenness had decreased his pain tolerance as he launched himself at me. Before the first hit came, I woke up.

I laid on my bed for a while, breathing heavily. I was soaked wet. It had felt so real, again. It was still pitch dark outside and once glance at the clock told me that it was only 4am. I sat up quietly and for my relief I saw Mariana sound sleep. Sometimes I would wake her up too with my nightmares but I was glad this time wasn't one of them. I walked to kitchen and started coffee. While I waited for it to be ready, I ended up deep in thought. I had been having nightmares for the last two weeks almost every night. Mariana hadn't told anyone, yet but I would often see her watching me closely. I didn't want her to tell anyone. No one could help me with them, expect for me. I got up, made sure Mariana was still asleep and went downstairs. We had been living with the Fosters for the last 5 months and everything was perfect. We hadn't been harmed once, we were fed, cared for and loved. Or so I think. Jude was adjusting better than I was. He was much more open about his feelings and emotions. He talked to Stef and Lena, to Brandon Jesus and even helped Mariana with nail painting. I was happy he was happy but most importantly he was safe. That mattered to me the most. I knew, deep down, that I was safe, too. I had never been in such a loving and accepting home before as I was now. But even after 5 months, I couldn't bring myself to open up, to talk about what had happened in our previous foster homes. Even Jude didn't know all the things. He had told Stef and Lena about beatings and verbal abuse we both had got. I'm pretty sure our foster moms were aware of some of the things that had happened, considering my timidness and reluctance to show my feelings. But they gave me space for which I was very thankful. They helped me with homework and just make sure I was okay. It was more than I could have ever hoped for. I noticed my coffee being ready and got off the stool to pour it in mug. I opened one of the drawers and took out a knife. Even though I didn't talk about the things that had happened to me, didn't mean I wasn't dealing with them. This was my way. I knew it wasn't the right way but so far it had helped. It made me calmer and I could forgot about the night's terrors that haunted my dreams. I put one of the Ste's warm hoodies on and went outside sit by the tree. The coffee was still quite hot so while it cooled down, I rolled up my sleeves. I had a lot of scars and most of them I had been able to explain with all the beatings I've got in my past. I mean, it was almost the truth, I did have scars from the beatings as well but the scars on my arms were made by me. Slowly, I took the blade across my left arm and slid. It didn't hurt, I was numb to the pain. I slid again, and again, and again. Deeper and deeper. I was fascinated by the flow of the blood. All my memories, all my pain and nightmares were bleeding away. The ome where we had been starved, the home were I had been burnt with lighters for not taking the trash out, the third home which was first nice but then turned a total nightmare. The three other homes where I had been raped countless of times. All the homes that have been violent towards us, but mostly me as I had taken the blame for Jude's sake. I believed there was something bad in me that made all those things happen to us. It would have been okay if Jude wouldn't have been there. I so wish Jude wouldn't have had to witness any of it, not only to mention being the target.  
I knew I would be okay in the morning, until the next time I was having a nightmare. I had taken some paper towels with me and I pressed them on my arm to stop the bleeding, and making sure not to get any blood stains on Ste's hoodie. I drank my coffee which was now cool enough and just enjoyed the quiet wee hours. I was getting a bit chilly, so I got up and was about to head back inside when a person blocked my entrance. I froze, the knife still in my hand. It was my host mom, Stef and by the look on her face she had seen what I had been up to.


	2. Chapter 2

"Callie, can you please hand me that knife", Stef asks in a calm voice, never taking her eyes off of me.

I just stand there, unsure of what to do. I'm almost 100% positive that I'm going to be sent back to juvie. I messed up. Again. I could not let this happen, Jude didn't deserve this. He deserved this home. This family. My mind is racing as I try to come up with an escape plan and I almost missed Stef talking to me.

"Callie, it's okay. You are not in trouble. Nothing will happen. Just please, hand me the knife and we will go from there." She sounds pleading.

I looked up to her and saw concern and worry in her eyes. I hesitate but slowly give the knife to Stef'. I don't know what to do so I stand there awkwardly. Running away crosses my mind once or twice but I know Stef would have no problem with catching me. She is a cop, after all.

"Let's go inside, it's much warmer, shall we?", she asks. I follow her inside, never taking my eyes up from the ground. This was not good. I could still feel the cuts bleeding beneath the paper but I'm too scared to take a look. I pass the kitchen when I feel someone to grab my arm. I jerk away and pull my hand to my chest, gazing around.

"Woah, it's just me Callie. Let's have a seat in the living room." It was an order and I'm too scared not to obey, I follow her. Stef takes a seat on a couch, probably hoping I would join her, but I sit in a chair that is opposite the couch. I was still not looking up at her. I actually didn't know what to expect, I had never been caught cutting myself before.

"Callie, I won't hurt you, I wish you would believe this by now", Stef says in a quiet voice.

I want to believe her, I really do. It's just so hard. I have been let down so many times in the past that I see everyone as an enemy. However, I lift my eyes from the ground for the first time and study Stef. She does look worried, and not mad at all. She looks like a mother who is concerned for her child's well being. It can't get any worse, can it, I think myself.

"I guess you're still waiting for that other shoe to drop, aren't you, Love"?, Stef asks when I still don't say anything.

"I understand why, though, but Callie, it's not going to drop. Nothing is going to happen to you, or Jude for that matter. We love you and we want to help you."

I stare at her for a second, open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

Stef rises from the couch and kneels down in front of me, placing her hands on my knees.

"I'm not going anywhere, take your time, sweetheart", she reassures me with a small smile on her face. Tears start to form in my eyes and I want to wipe them away before they drop but I find it difficult to move my hands. I'm so tired of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of keeping the secrets. I'm tired of fighting. I'm ready to talk. And talk I do.

The sun has risen and I can hear movements upstairs when I finish my story. My cheeks are wet from tears and I'm emotionally drained. It's taken me hours to spill everything. We have moved to couch and I'm now sitting on Stef's lap, being hugged by her. We don't talk, we just sit there quietly.

"Callie, love, how are you feeling? You have been very still", Stef asks me.  
I think for a moment.

"I.. I don't know. Tired, I guess. I'm still trying to process the fact that I have finally told someone. That I'm not alone in this anymore. I don't feel relieved just yet but I feel a little bit better if that even makes any sense", I mumble, not looking at my foster mom.  
Stef hugs me tightly.

"That's understandable. I'd like to keep you home today, if you let me. I just want to make sure you are alright. And you do need to sleep", she adds. I have no energy left in me to argue.

"What about the others. Will they have to know?" I ask suddenly, panic in my voice.

"Well, I do have to tell Lena as you know, but the kids don't have to know. Not until you are ready to tell them, okay?"

To this, I just nod too tired to use my words. I know Stef doesn't approve but this time she doesn't say anything.

"Hey, what's up? Everything okay here?", I hear Lena say. I didn't hear her coming downstairs, so wrapped up I was in my own head. I shrug, because I don't know what else to say. I simply look at Stef to seek for help. Stef looks at me before opening her mouth to talk, but never taking her eyes off of mine.

"Well, Callie here has told me some stuff about her past. We have agreed she stays home today as she didn't get much sleep last night. You have a late morning, yes?", she asks her wife.  
Lena studies me for a moment before answering Stef.  
"Yes, I don't need to be at school until 11AM today, though I was thinking of dropping the kids off."

"That's fine, we can talk after that. I'm now taking Callie upstairs and I'll check on the monkeys.", she says as she lifts us both up. I'm so exhausted that I almost fall down, having no strength in my legs. But luckily Stef is there to steady me. Lena watches us as we pass by her, she strokes my hand and presses a kiss on my forehead. I smile at her and she smiles back.

"Go sleep, sweetheart and we'll talk later." she says. She, too sounds worried.

I just nod and head upstairs with Stef. The others are getting ready for school and I hear Jude chatting happily with Jesus about skateboarding. How am I gonna explain everything to him? He's too young to understand and most likely will blame himself for what happened to me.  
The panic starts to arise but Stef senses it and whispers in to my ear.  
"Don't you worry about Jude, Lena and I will tell him." I don't like the idea but I really don't have a choice. First Stef's voice leaves me no room for arguments and second I wouldn't even know what or how to tell him... We walk to the room I share with Mariana and Stef sits us both on my bed. She watches me and looks like she wants to say something. I'm right.

"Callie, there is something I need to discuss with you before you go to sleep. Show me your cuts, please.", she says in a voice that leaves me no other options. I was hoping she wouldn't remember but I should have known better. Reluctantly I lift my sleeve and show the damage in arm. She takes a sharp breath. I lower my eyes ashamed. My arms are disgusting, and that's why I always wear a long sleeve. No one has ever questioned me about it.  
"Oh Callie! Are these all by self harm?" she asks after a while.  
"No, just the fresh ones. The others were made by other foster parents or siblings." I lie, I can't tell the truth.

"I was just so overwhelmed with my emotions after the flashback and I wanted the pain go away. I swear I have never done it before!" I say in a rush. I need her to believe me, more than anything. I look up to her and try to look as convenient as possible. She studies me a moment before hugging me tightly. I inhale her motherly scent.

"Promise me, you'll not do it again, yes? Promise me that you'll come to me or Lena if you ever feel that way again, okay love?" she asks almost whispering. It sounds like she's near the tears, voice cracking.

"I will, I promise." I say. But deep down I know telling won't make the feeling, the need to cut go away. I tried it once and it ended badly.

Stef rises from my bed and heads to bathroom. I can hear her taking something from the counter and when she enters the bedroom again I see the antiseptic gauze and some cotton pads in her hands. I sigh, I really wish she wouldn't hover. I can take care of myself and the cuts aren't even that deep. I stare at her when she gets closer.

"Let's take care of this so those don't become infected, shall we? I don't think they need stitches, just a proper cleaning." she says in that same motherly tone that I have heard so many times today. I want to protest, I don't need it and the pain is not even that bad, but I'm too tired to fight. I give her my arm and she cleans it up in no time. I go lay down under the blanket, feeling very tired all of sudden.

"Sleep well, my love, and don't worry. You'll be okay. We are in this together." I just hum to this, not bothering to answer her. She gives me a kiss on my forehead and just when she is about to close the door, I find myself talking to her.

"I'm sorry", I say in a very quiet voice, so quiet that I'm sure she won't hear me. But she does.  
"What for, love?", she asks.

"For making you lose sleep and needing to deal with this. With me."  
"Oh, Callie, do not worry about me. I rather lose endless nights and make sure you are okay, than sleep soundly when you're hurting. You are not something to 'deal with'. You are not disposal, Callie. You are not worthless. You are my daughter and it's my job to make sure you're safe and okay, understand?, she comes next to my bed.

I nod, but I'm too tired to really pay attention to what she is saying.  
"Thank you."  
"Shh, sleep now, sweetheart." I'm asleep before she leaves the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Stef**

After sending Callie to upstairs, I make sure the other kids are having their breakfast before sending them off to school. Jesus and Mariana are supposed to have a Math test today, Jude Biology and Brandon English. Callie would miss her English test but I was sure Lena could pull some strings to do it later. As we were saying good byes to the kids and wishing them good luck on their tests, Jude pulls my sleeve and I kneel down to his level.

"Is Callie ok"? He asks me worried. My heart breaks for the boy. He loves her very much and of course he would be worried about her. Even though it was Callie who took care of them both, it doesn't mean Jude didn't appreciate it. He couldn't have done half of those things Callie did because he was too young. But I know he understands how much Callie did for him. I get a feeling Jude wants to kind of pay it back to her. 

"Sure, buddy, she's okay. We think she's coming down with a flu so she's staying home today, okay?' I try to reassure him. I don't want to lie, but I have a feeling Callie haven't told everything to Jude in order to protect him.

He doesn't look convinced but lets it go after studying me a while. I smile reassingly. I hug him and he hugs me back. He's so innocent bu has seen so much bad for such a young age that I can't help but admire his strength and positive attitude. He lets go of me but I give him one more tight hug before releasing him. He runs to his siblings and I watch them until I can't see them anymore. My loves. Four pieces of my heart, the precious pieces. I close the door and walk to kitchen where I find Lena waiting for me with a tea on her hands. I pour myself a cup of coffee and try to prepare myself for what I know will be a difficult talk.

"Love, are you sure you want to hear everything? It's going to be difficult and even I have problems with controlling my emotions." I ask as I sit next to her.

"Yes, Stef. She's our daughter and in order for me to help her, I need to know what happened to those beautiful kids." she answers. But I can sense that she's terrified to hear the truth.

"You already knew that they went in to the system when Callie was 10 and Jude only 6 years old. But as their files says, she didn't die of a car crash. It was something more terrible." I stop. She watches me intensively and gestures me to continue. I swallow before continuing.

"Jude and Callie's father murdered her, in front of Callie's eyes. He had been drunk and got angry at Callie. Colleen tried to protect her but her dad wouldn'tt have any of it. He took a knife and stabbed Colleen 50 times. A neighbor had heard the screams so he had called the police. They arrived in 7 minutes but it was too late. They found Jude crying in his bed and Callie frozen in front of her mother. They arrested Donald who had fled from the scene. Since then the Jacob siblings have been in the system." 

I stop and watch Lena carefully. She looks shocked, and has tears streaming down on her cheeks. Damn, maybe this wasn't good idea, I think myself. The story would only get worse and I wasn't sure if Lena was strong enough to hear it.

"Love, are you okay? I ask. I take her hands in my mine, trying to be there for her. Lena stays quiet but she's not crying anymore.

She looks up at me, eyes still watery.  
"I believe this is only going to get worse, am I right?"

I don't say anything, I just nod. I know hearing Callie's story is not easy but we both need to know what happened to this girl and her brother. Not because we would toss those poor kids out, but so we can help them heal and help them trust people again. Feel wanted and loved.

"Okay, I'm okay. But please love, do not pause or I won't be able to hear it all. If you stop talking, I might run straight upstairs and scoop that innocent girl that's sleeping on our bed and hold her forever and forever and forget about this cruel world we live in." 

And that's why I love her. I know she knew it wouldn't be a beautiful story. After all, she has been studying child psychology, read cases and seen cases when the twins were still in the system. I give her a light squeeze and continue to tell what Callie told me.

"Soon after they were put in the system, Bill found them a foster home. There were not a lot of families who wanted two kids but Callie and Jude were, and are, a package deal. The family was first nice, they had two other kids and a dog. All the kids were well taken care of and it was just like a normal family. After a few months, the mother got pregnant and all the members of the family were very excited. Unfortunately, she miscarried and got depressed. She was admitted to the hospital. The father was left alone with four kids. He started to drink, would be gone for days and when he was home, he would be violent towards the kids. One night he got really mad and hurt one of his own kids really bad. Callie called the police while trying to rescue Jude and the other one. The police came and arrested the man. The kid was announced dead on the scene. The three of them were taken to the police station until Bill arrived. He took Callie and Jude with him and placed them into other family." 

I have to sip water a little bit. I continue talking and tell Lena about the other 6 families they were in, and every few months they would be thrown out because Callie did something. Callie told me that she was protecting Jude, that the other kids or sometime even the parents were bullying him, mocking him for being "different". Callie would take the blame so Jude would be left alone. She was beaten and left without food but she made sure Jude was never punished. I tell Lena how one day, the father found Jude wearing a dress, was about to beat him to death but Callie sprung into action and smashed his foster father's car. The cops were once again called but there was evidence that Jude had been hit and Callie had acted out of self-defense so no charges were pressed. They spent few weeks in a group home until Bill found them a new foster home, the home before this. The home were all hell broke lose. 

I have to stop and gather myself before telling the worst part of the story. Or the nightmare, because that's what it truly was for these kids. This time it's Lena's turn to comfort me. She stands up and takes my coffee mug. She doesn't say a word, she doesn't need to, and fills me another cup of coffee. I thank her by smiling. 

"So.. Okay. After a few weeks of living in a group home, Bill found them a foster home. It wasn't the best option, a single man but he had fostered kids before losing her wife to a cancer few years ago. Callie and Jude were brought to his home and everything was going well. Until the foster father, Jim, started to make inappropriate comments about Callie's body. Callie told me that first she was flattered because no one had ever shown her any interests but soon she became uncomfortable around her new foster father. Callie told him to stop but he didn't listen. That was the first time she started to hurt herself. Callie told me that if she was ugly Jim would hopefully stop commenting on her body, stop seeing her. Then one night the foster father climbed on her bed and raped her. Multiple times. She blames herself because according to her, she didn't even try to protect herself."

Lena has tears streaming down her face and I'm sure my cheeks are just as wet. And I'm not finished, not yet. I breath in and out, slowly, and keep going.

"Callie told me that she never told Jude about it. Nor any of the teachers or her social worker. She thought they wouldn't believe or that they would blame her for it. She hated herself for it, she hated her body for it. She told me that if her body wasn't so mature and curvy this could have not happened. I tried to assure that what happened to her was not her fault, none of was her fault. But she didn't listen to me, or couldn't listen to me, I'm not sure. It looked like she wasn't even here, like she was there when it happened and she was going through it again and again." I'm getting tired but I have one more, terrible thing to tell Lena.

"Love, I know you probably can't take anymore, and I promise, I'm almost finished. But there is one huge terrible thing I have to tell you. Can you take it?" I ask carefully. We will both probably need something to help us sleep tonight.

"Oh Stef, I had no idea it was THIS bad. How in the world did she pull through? How come NO ONE saw or suspected anything?" She asks me, her voice rising.  
I totally understand her rage.

"I don't know, love. But we will help her. We will not give up on her. But anyway, after living in that house for few months, their foster father brought home three of his friends. Callie and Jude were doing homework upstairs and tried to be as quiet and invisible as possible. Unfortunately Jim them and took Callie downstairs with him. Jude was locked in the room. Callie didn't tell me any graphic details but all four men gang raped her five times during that evening and night. They left the house to go the bar. Callie ran upstairs and freed Jude but didn't tell him anything, just they had asked her to serve them some beer. The next day they went to school like nothing happened. Two nights later Callie bit Jim's penis and the police were called by the neighbors as they grew worried over the loud noises coming from their house."

I don't say anything. Lena doesn't either, she just stares at me blankly as tears keep streaming down her face. Then, all of sudden, surprising me, she hops off the stool and literally runs upstairs. I follow her as fast as I can. I have a hunch where she is heading to, and I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong. I have to smile a little when I see her hugging the girl that has been through too much, the girl who has stolen our hearts. Callie doesn't wake up for which I'm surprised as Lena is hugging her quite tightly.


End file.
